it's just me who I'm trying to save.I'm not doing much of anything, i don't miss you, and i don't love you anymore. i left you years ago, and I'm much happier this way. last night i crawled into my car and my chest heaved and sank with the tears i was working to produce, but my eyes were as dry and clear as the sky above me. and I'm not trying to be secretive, i can't cry over you anymore. do you know how good it feels to send you off to sea?
I've sat in this same seat before, in the back of the classroom, and every time i come back it gets better and better. i am high off my own despondence and detachment. i can do so many things when i wipe my heart clean.
i just carried my entire weight in luggage, and my fingers and shoulders ache and are busting open, reminding me of the years i carried you because you yourself couldn't bear the pounds of your problems. i feel superhuman and daring for all that i did for you, and settled for all that i did not.
i have an hour left in this terminal until i can get home to the place where my friends say i don't belong. well, i agree, their selfishness is right. however, like i stayed with him, i will stay here. it is my godforsaken fucking duty. i'm sorry, but i can't come back and save you too.
i want to be able to tell you I'd fight, I'd say that I'd use the brass knuckles you kept in your glove box to smash the teeth of any girl who stood in my way. but if i looked at you now, and i told you how I'd struggle and squirm for you, I'd be lying, and i have never lied to you.
i own today.
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