i am overwhelmed with desire, this ancient infatuation. i am above you, hovering like a sparrow, my song broken and strained. your presence below me (look at your eyes in the dim autumn light) captures and confounds me. i wish i could hold this position forever; my knees digging into the floor beneath me, my arms high above my head, every limb screaming "RELEASE ME."
though you failed to mention what could have saved our lies, i am not angry. guilt is foreign, however i regret her pain. i understand. whatever this may destroy, i hope you watch it burn slow and and bright, thinking, "the glow will make us whole again."
your questions are like the soft and subtle sway of blades in the wind. (the cut, the fever.) but here i am, asking to be chained down by you and all you depend on. bury me in your difficulties, i will bear the weight, wearing your flaws high like a crown. there is glory in all admittance.
now look at us, fumbling for the right words; you reply: "without you here, it would have been impossible."
flattered, i am not. where is the honesty i deserve? how do i differentiate between your code of conduct and what you proclaim as your bare bones? how i pray that you're secretly saying what i am thinking:
"always you."
your breath on my skin like sunlight, your hands like the necks of cranes: easy and understanding. aware. calculated. but this lie that you have built beneath us is deadly.
how do you plan your sieges? this war we fight, the front lines heavy and covered with every missed moment; the ghosts of what circumstance would not allow. we are two generals, angry and broken, desperately trying to fill the trenches that our hearts have created (all the holes and voids we can't seem to cover completely.)
time to recalculate, reformat: i no longer can bear the burden of this wonder. pick up or put down: a toy at your disposal. be fair, though there is rarely fairness in truth. you are a wolf in a lover's clothes.
"when we kissed, it
didn't feel poisonous.
and when you cried,
i dried off your blue
eyes. he smiles at me
as he is falling asleep,
saying, "we gotta live
the best we know how
to."
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