journal #12

you think i wouldn't notice? you make it for me and you think i won't dissect it? no. you know i will. YOU KNOW ME. you know every part of me. you know how fast my heart beats when i drive to you, you know how fast i will run from you. you know the speed of my hands when i run them through my hair. you know. you know. orchards and lingering, it's all some sort of fucking insult. i try so hard, i try so hard and after all of this, after all of my waiting, i receive solace and i am granted a train ticket back to who we were and what we found inside of each other those years ago and now i don't want to leave. what do i do? i have to leave you because YOU WON'T LET ME HAVE YOU.