November 4th, 2007

it's a struggle to regret it every time you open your mouth to try to force it, or to shower and cry in disappointment with yourself, with who you've let yourself become. how much you've gained, how much you could be losing, and the differences you've made between a hospital stay and this minute of the day. it's a struggle every morning and every night, compounded with school and you and them. your friends read books to understand the difference cortisol levels make, but they can't and they won't. i envy their inability to grasp.