downtown looks like don't own

somehow, i have found steady ground. after four years of hurried worry, pushing the clocks back up against the wall, salvation has swept through my bedroom. at last, it's easy to love.

even i think you're blinded by conceit.

Sounds from the party shear away
into echoes. Feet stop and
take root in the sand.
It’s easy to love you now,
my mind’s stopped changing.

Boats nudge each other
like sleeping lovers
with each slight wave,
doing their slow dance
as lights across the river
melt and gutter out.

When the wind has exhausted itself
in the pre-dawn, I bury the fire, alone,
and I hear another voice gliding,
dipping its wings in the water
on its way to me.

Finishing my wine
I walk into the river,
the sound of bells in my ears,
and make my way to you.

Newcastle, 1993

three kinds of yes.

the tears have dried, the anger has intensified, the self worth magnified.

as my revolution begins.

I am unsure of my emotions.

How do you say goodbye to your father when he moves halfway across the country?

please leave me alone.

please, make this the last time.
if you leave now, do not come back.

eyes run dry.

crabtree and compost

my head is so empty; my thoughts bound and twisted. i am currently unable to detoxify my darkest parts: torture.
this lack of inspiration is eating me up, it's making it so hard to fall right. i'll break my ankles when i reach the pavement if i don't align my body the way it deserves.

work. sleep. work. sleep. drugs. sleep. alcohol. work. sleep. worry.

all i'm askin' for is some tiny honesty, i need some explanations to justify this sinking ship. i am going under, this hollowness like quicksand, rising to my rib cage. and in another four, i will not muster the strength to rise up above you as i do now. you've gotta say, "it was all just an accident." and i will fly along, i'll become the phoenix i once was, alone. years will pass and i will be safe and settled, until you make your grand entrance, with all the streamers and doves trailing behind you, but next time, that time, i will not allow you to control this court. i am now the queen of my own catastrophe. singular and steady.

my cruelty will not stand for much longer, so take me away from him while you still can. and if you cannot, then allow me to rot alone. alone, in peace.